One of the family rules in the Riess-Smith household is that no one, and I mean no one, will ever volunteer anyone else to be on a reality show. No supernanny is ever going to tsk-tsk if we lose our tempers at home, and no one's going to videotape us shopping for our usual fashion-challenged clothes. Our garage is not fodder for the organizing gurus of Clean Sweep. We like our privacy.
Still, that doesn't mean that we don't engage in weekly rituals of schadenfreude by watching other people embarrass themselves on TV. In fact, this is a prime family bonding activity. I'd like to tell you about two of our favorite reality shows that we watch as a family.
Grime Doesn't Pay!
The basic premise of How Clean Is Your House? is that there are some truly filthy people out there. Most of them appear to live in England. On this show, which is broadcast on BBC America, two funny British ladies tool around the UK to scold people about how unbelievably dirty their homes are. Some of the homeowners have not cleaned in years; others have never even attempted it and wouldn't know where to start. We're not just talking about dirty dishes in the sink here. We're talking full-on muck -- people who don't take the garbage out, whose breadboxes provide a cozy refuge for mice and their droppings, who don't even clean up after their pet has peed on the floor.
It's a fun show, actually, because as a family we look at the horrors of these people's homes and say "eeeeeewww" together on cue. We cuddle up close together and congratulate ourselves that although our house is far from squeaky-clean, we're nowhere near as nasty as those people on TV. Making viewers feel better about themselves is, of course, is the goal of any reality show worth its salt.
One of the interesting things about How Clean Is Your House? is that it's such a throwback to a century ago. In the early 20th century, as doctors became more aware of the health dangers of germs and mold and dirt, society embarked on a crusade to educate people about cleanliness. An important aspect of this show is the lab cultures that are taken from these dirty buggers' sinks, cooktops, toilet seats, and toothbrushes--Aggie dons an official-looking white lab coat and teaches the homeowners (through extended camera shots of fecund petri dishes) about all the dangerous microorganisms that they're unwittingly spawning. A bonus of this segment of the show is that we like to hear the schoolmarmish, Scottish Aggie screech the word "bacteeeeria."
There's also a simple innocence to this program. If there were an American version, some designer would say, "This house is revolting. We need to rip it out to the studs and start all over again." But on HCIYH, no one ever really goes out shopping for new stuff. The decor is often just as tacky as ever (think Dolores Umbridge mixed with bowling trophies), but it's all clean as a whistle. Also, many of the cleaning remedies just use the ordinary things you'd find at home -- dish liquid, baking soda, white vinegar, and the like.
"Make It Bigger, Make It Badder, Make It Awesome"
The other excellent show we like to watch together as a family is Ace of Cakes, which comes on the Food Network. (Sorry to those of you poor sods who don't have cable.) Every episode of this reality show chronicles a week in the life of a Baltimore bakery run by a bunch of Gen X-ers with a quirky sense of humor. The first time I ever saw the show, the office manager person, Mary Alice, was wearing a t-shirt that read, "Joss Whedon is my master now." So I knew right away that I would like the show, and she and I would be BFFs.
Besides the humor, another draw for Phil is that they use power tools to make 
these incredible cakes -- the Brooklyn Bridge, or King Kong about to devour a bar mitzvah boy, or Wrigley Field. Any show that mandates the creative use of a drill saw and blow torch is pretty much Must-See TV for my husband. Jerusha likes it because she is artistic and the cakes these folks come up with are mind-blowing and often very beautiful. It's great to see the whole process, from schematic drawings to finished product. And, of course, to see the gratifyingly stupefied reactions of the folks who ordered the cake.
